I'm on the verge of a huge shift. I can't name it or see it clearly yet but I feel it, roiling beneath the surface. Incubating. A tiny fetus at the moment, but growing with a life all it's own.
At times it's maddening and I am desperately impatient.
I want to know.
I want to plan.
I want to see it before it's ready.
I want the outcome before I begin. I want it all figured out and if it could come nicely wrapped, without hurdles or difficulties of any sort, I would gladly receive it too.
I keep thinking that to move forward I have to have it all figured out ahead of time and then I could show others the way. Teach what I've learned from my experience. But the truth is, I don't know the way and I'm going anyway. Running my fingers along unfamiliar walls lined with hopeful buckets of flowers and the voices of helpful strangers. If sharing can help someone else to find their own path, then so much the better.
It's been a long time coming but here is what I know so far. Each day I face the blank page. I watch, I do things that scare the crap out of me and I listen. Each day building courage, exploring ideas and taking teeny steps toward freedom.